Principles of Economics

Or: How to draw an X on a graph and pretend you can predict the future.

Scroll down for reality check.

1. Homo Economicus

"Humans are perfectly rational actors who always maximize utility."

The Roast: Have you ever met a human? We buy $7 coffee while dodging our electricity bills and text our exes at 2 AM. "Rational actors" is the biggest sci-fi concept of the 18th century.

2. The Invisible Hand

"The market will naturally regulate itself through the invisible hand."

The Roast: Adam Smith's imaginary friend that magically fixes monopolies, pollution, and systemic crashes. It's invisible because it's currently busy hiding the wealth of the top 1%.

3. Ceteris Paribus

"All other things being equal..."

The Roast: Latin for "This model only works if the real world stops existing for five minutes." It's the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card for when your supply and demand chart fails spectacularly.

4. Trickle-Down Economics

"If we give more to the top, it will eventually trickle down to the rest."

The Roast: 40 years later and we're still waiting with our buckets. Turns out, wealth doesn't trickle down; it gets stored in offshore accounts.

Class Dismissed

Next week: Why "Printing More Money" isn't a valid economic strategy.